“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”
- Robert Fulghum
As I sit here, watching morning cartoons with Canyon, and enjoying a nice, warm cup of coffee, I cannot help but think about the fact that my son is FOUR. Four. Wow. Where did the time go? Why is he not a baby anymore? This leads me to think about what my purpose is in life…Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life?
Well….
I’m a mom. I was born to be a mom—no doubt. And, I am a great mom. Everything about motherhood…fits me. My life revolves around Canyon and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love it. Being a mom makes me happy. It’s why I am here. It’s exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life. There is absolutely nothing better than a child looking at you and saying they love you. Those words coming from such a little, innocent person can fix…anything.
Being a new mom is not only exciting, but it is completely terrifying. You have no idea what to expect when you bring that baby home. Nine months is not long enough to mentally prepare yourself for all that is about to come. However, nine months is more than long enough to get the pregnancy experience.
From the time I found out I was pregnant and even up until I sat in my hospital room while my son was in the NICU, I read SO many articles online about parenting, newborns, and NICU babies and, of course, I read a million baby books. I read about schedules and how important they were for a newborn. I read about Canyon’s condition that the Neonatologist had described to me (I was mentally preparing myself for the worst). I read about everything you can possible think of. Reading all these things made me understand what being a new parent was all about and gave me a good idea of what to expect.
They also made me realize that I needed boundaries in place.
As a new parent, you have to have boundaries.
It was important to Dale and I that things be done a certain way when it came to our son. We wanted the absolute best for our child. We didn’t agree on EVERYTHING but we learned to compromise and take things day by day. When you become a parent, you know your child the best. You know what they need more than anyone else. So, looking back, setting boundaries and having rules in place….It was the best decision we could have made for Canyon. We weren’t unrealistic. We were open and honest about how we felt about things.
Okay, I was more open and honest about how I felt about things than Dale was. He was kind of just…along for the ride. I’m sure I was no picnic in the park…especially with all of my crazy- NEW MOM moments. HA…But, he stuck by me and supported me-- & I did the same with him. That was important.
Babies bring joy, and… they also bring lots of people into your home. You can’t be afraid of saying how you feel about things because you will regret it one day. I never sat back and let something happen with my child that I didn’t agree with-- even if it was something as simple as how he was being fed or someone waking him up when he was asleep just so they could hold him. NO WAY. People come and visit and if you sit back and let things happen that you don’t agree with, you are the one paying for it later…when your baby is off schedule or has gas. I have more respect for new moms than, I think… anyone. It’s hard.
To this day, Dale and I have a certain way we want things done with our child—who cares! It’s our child. We have the right to raise him how we think is right. We have a good, respectful child that says PLEASE, THANK YOU, Yes Ma'am/No Sir & that asks for WATER to drink instead of juice or COKE… and loves vegetables (except cooked carrots). Obviously, we are doing something right.
No one can really grasp the experience that Dale and I went through with our child. It has scarred us for life. It’s why I am the way that I am with Canyon. That will probably never change. But, I honestly think that even if Canyon had a normal delivery, I would have still been “crazy-psycho-new-mom.” And, that’s okay with me. I’m happy with the choices that Dale and I have made regarding Canyon. I think he is the little person he is because of those choices. He’s an awesome kid with lots of personality and more heart than you could ever imagine in a four year old.
When Canyon was a baby, I would sit in his room, in our big comfy reclining rocking chair, and just hold him and stare at him. He was my little miracle baby (still is). He inspired me. He overcame so much when he was born and that just amazed me. I knew I had to do everything in my power to give him the life he deserved. I can remember just holding him for hours and crying because I was terrified of anything ever happening to him. His birth scared the hell out of me. And, probably always will.
As he gets older, I know I will have to learn to let go more and more every day. But, for now, he is still little enough to curl up in our laps and read books (or play on our phones—he’s brilliant). So, I’ll take what I can get. I have a feeling he will always be a momma’s boy. I just hope that with Dale and I doing everything we can to be good parents, that he sees that because we all know kids mimic their parent’s actions.
Please feel free to leave comments. I’d love to hear some of your crazy-new mom stories.
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