The beginning

"Some people say lucky...I say BLESSED."

I've been doing some research for a new, exciting writing adventure that I want to explore and I have come across so many sad stories about love, and loss, and single-parent households, and abuse, and they have all taught me something different. Life is hard, cruel even..but, it's up to you to make it a rewarding journey.

Each journey is different in it's own way.

LIFE is HARD.

I struggle with something new DAILY. But, when it comes to being a mommy...I'm blessed to have that opportunity. I'm blessed that God has given Dale & I an amazing little boy. Yeah, he had a hard time for the first 13 days of his life...but, he's a little fighter and I thank GOD every single day that he is a happy, healthy little man.

I can remember the day Canyon was born like it was yesterday. I can also remember the 12 days that would follow of him being in the NICU. Hardest time of my life. Absolutely exhausting--emotionally & physically. 

Canyon was born on Mother's Day in 2007. He was 7 lbs 15.9 oz and 20 inches long. He was completely blue when they laid him on my chest and he was not breathing. The nurses whisked him away to the table in the corner and started yelling things to each other and running around like little ants after their home had been destroyed by someone's foot--I have no idea what they were doing--All I knew was I was scared. I remember looking at Dale, standing next to me & holding my hand, and his face was completely white--as if he'd seen a ghost. I asked him, "Why isn't he crying?" He just looked at me.

The next thing I know--Canyon lets out one little yelp and  is then rushed to the NICU by the nurses and I was given medication to rest.I woke up in my room with my brother sitting next to my bed. I panicked and tried to get up but he stopped me. I passed out again.

I had no idea the emotional roller coaster that Dale and I were about to be on or how much prayer would play a part in our lives.

Being wheeled to the NICU for the first time was hard, but not as hard as walking in and seeing our newborn son hooked to machines with a tube down his throat. Complete shock and numbness filled me. What was happening? Why weren't we being prepped to head home with our son? Questions flooded me. I walked out and collapsed into my mom's arms. I'm not sure if Dale is just stronger than me, emotionally, but if it wasn't for him, I honestly wouldn't have made it through those long days. He made me eat, he made me get out of the hospital--in short visits, and he made me understand just how much he loved me and how much I could count on him to never leave us.

Seeing your child suffer or fight for his health is absolutely the worst yet....the most humbling... experience ever. Dale & I had to watch our son like this everyday for 13 days. We were only allowed in the NICU three times a day for a short period of time--like 15 to 20 minutes. We had to call the NICU before we went down there to make sure we would be allowed in--(sometimes they have emergencies with the babies in which no one can be allowed in--this happened several times while Canyon was tucked away in there.) BUT, We were there--scrubbing in--three times a day (when allowed)...with panic instilled inside us. We had no idea what to expect. All I know is that even though they discouraged us talking to Canyon--because he got all squirmy--I did it anyway. I honestly think that helped him. He heard mommy's voice. He knew I was there--along with Daddy and we weren't leaving him alone to be scared. The Dr.'s told us so many different things within that LONG 13 day time frame. I can remember his blood pressure actually rising to a normal level (it was extremely low when he was born & he was being given medications to help it reach a normal level) and then dropping back down...I still remember walking back our room (we roomed-in ALL 13 days) and crying my eyes out because we were so close to him being able to go home and then, within a few hours...he had a long journey ahead of him again. Finally, on day 12....he was healthy enough to sleep in our room for the night--hooked to a monitor that beeped constantly. One of my favorite pictures is the first time Dale got to hold him in our hospital room. We both cried. The picture is blurry because my camera was awful back then..but, it's still a favorite. Knowing the hospital frowned upon it, I still allowed Canyon to sleep snuggled up in his boppy in my bed, with me. There was nothing better. I woke up in a sweat several times that night--in addition to the every two hours that he wanted to eat--freaking out and feeling his belly to make sure he was breathing. This continued when we finally got to bring him home. Actually, I still do this and he's FOUR. :) Some things never leave you once you experience them.

The point is, my little family has been through a lot in the past four years BUT God knew what he was doing when he gave us Canyon. He picked us to be his parents for a reason and our goal is to just be the best parents to him that we can possibly be. We don't have all the happy hospital moments captured on camera. We don't have pictures of him coming home in his little sailboat outfit and the idea of reminiscing that birth makes me feel sick. However, what we do have is SO much better than all of those things. We have Canyon....a smart, HEALTHY, hilarious, and adorable four-year old little boy. 

I couldn't ask for a better son. Dale and I are blessed to have him in our lives. He has taught us so many things about the true meaning of love and how we want to live our lives. I cherish each day that I get to be his mommy and I long for others to appreciate the privilege of being a parent.

More to come on this topic...but I'll leave you with this....

Life is short--PLEASE remember that and live each day without regret. :)