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10.25.2012

Explaining Death To A Five Year Old

Yes, that's right. How on earth do you explain death to a five year old?

Well, you do the best you can based on what you believe in, which is exactly what I did.

Recently, on of my son's classmates passed away due to a tragic accident. Now, obviously, prayers are VERY welcome for the family of this little girl. I cannot begin to imagine the emotions they are experiencing but I do know that PRAYER in numbers is a very powerful thing. So, please PRAY!

Canyon is a very tender-hearted child. He cries when the ASPCA commercials come on or if his feelings are hurt. It breaks my heart. So, when I heard of this tragedy, I immediately began preparing for what I would tell him about death and heaven and everything else that goes along with that. He goes to a private, Christian school, so I knew they would be discussing the matter in class and Canyon would have questions. We have tried to keep him sheltered when it comes to death because he worries, like me. (Unfortunately, he got his worrying/anxiety from me.)

He deserves to have a childhood and not be aware of what a terrible place the world is becoming, or so I believe. Well, this threw a big ole wrench in my plan to keep him unaware. But you know what? I'm glad. Canyon is a very compassionate and caring child. He was with his dad the first two days after learning about what happened. I knew when I picked him up Wednesday from school that I better be prepared. I WAS!

He got into my car, buckled his seatbelt and immediately asked me if I had heard about what I happened.

I replied, "Yes, buddy, I did. Are you okay?"

Here's where the tough part comes in....

He said, "I am. But can you tell me what happened?" 

I said, "Why don't you tell me what your teacher told you."

He did. It was what I'd hope that they would tell a five year old.... That she was in Heaven with Jesus and she was happy that she got to see her two PawPaw's again. He asked what Heaven was. I explained my version of Heaven. He was happy with my answer and told me he was sad that she wouldn't be at school anymore. Then, he changed the subject. I let him. You can't keep bringing it up.

Later, while passing a cemetery near our house, he says, "I think that's where *SHE* is." 

I had to explain that she would be near her mommy and daddy so they could visit her all the time.

He seemed to get it but then his little voice cracked and he looked at me with his innocent little eyes and asked, "Why won't you take me to go see her? My teacher said we need to have our parents take us to go see her."

Now, I didn't know what to say. I am not taking my son to a funeral. I'm just not. People can say whatever negative things they wish. It's not happening. So, we plan to visit her grave soon because he wants to bring her sunflowers. I won't deny my son to visit her grave because he specifically asked to do so. If it helps him, I am happy to do it.

Death is not an easy thing for me, and probably for anyone. But when your child hurts over death, over a death that is so sudden and terrible, you start to question the world. You start to question everything. Children are such a precious gift and so innocent and sweet. They should not be faced with something like this. 

My heart goes out to this family and I wish there was a way to take their pain away. I will continue to pray for them, daily. I will also pray for my son, for him to better understand death and Heaven, and Jesus.


WHAT A WEEK. 

XOXO,
B

10.18.2012

Back At IT!

Hello to all of my BEAUTIFUL readers. Love you.

I am back. Back again. <--Those from my generation will get this reference to a terrible song. Haha.

Anyhow, let's talk BEHAVIOR in school and at HOME. We are struggling. Big time.

My son is five. FIVE. And he is ALL boy. He is wild, energetic, and full of life. He is also extremely smart. And you know, I must say this.....your kids intelligence reflects how well you are doing with sticking to work with them. We (as in his dad and I) work with Canyon regularly. We have since...well, since birth. LOL He is super smart. <-- This is why I think he is getting into trouble at school. He's bored. WHAT to do about that? NO CLUE. I am just a mom, taking things one day at a time, figuring it out...probably much like YOU.

But...I am honestly at a loss. Here's my dilemma.

My son has had notes sent home recently that state he is wrestling at school. I mean, I honestly think that is NORMAL behavior for five year old boys. Right? However, there's this kid in his class who seems to be a BAD APPLE. He's already been sent to the office and PADDLED for wrestling. I stress to Canyon to just stay away from him. Apparently, that doesn't work. I am not there to witness what happens exactly but Canyon comes home with a new story daily. I know how "well" his memory is but I also don't want to NOT believe him. That's a battle in itself. How much trust do you instill in a five year old? Wow. Next blog!

Anyway, so here we are. Funny thing IS, he and this kid were SITTING AT THE SAME TABLE in class. It took almost a month before he came home and said, "I sit at a different table now." FINE BY ME. Hello!!!! If you have kids disrupting, SEPARATE THEM. Am I wrong? My kid is well-adjusted to LIFE. Move him. I won't mind, I promise. So, when he said he had been moved, I was happy. Well, that just made the wrestling at recess worse. What can I do? I've punished him. I made him pack all his toys away for a week. I've made a chore chart, a behavior chart. I have done it ALL. BUT he is an ANGEL child at home or when he is in public with us OR even when he is playing with other kids, at the park, etc. 

So, the problem STEMS from SCHOOL. I cannot keep dealing with these little notes: 
"Please speak with Canyon about his wrestling." Um, no...now I am at the point of....either fix the problem at school...or deal with it. Seriously. It's borderline ridiculous. I'd love feedback on this. EVEN if it is terrible. Haha.

Also, he says that this kid....is MEAN to other kids...and Canyon has gotten into trouble for standing up for these other kids. HOW do you even begin to explain that one? I will not punish my kid for standing up for kids that are scared to stand up to a BULLY...because that is what this kid is. A BULLY. I witnessed it myself....while in carpool to pick my son up.

The solution I have come up with...Parent-teacher conference. Next week. I really am a nice, understand mother that will take responsibility and accept when my child's behavior is unacceptable to the teacher...BUT, I feel the problem is deeper than just that. I will go in with an open mind...but I won't let her BS me either. Should be interesting. Be expecting a blog about this meeting. 

;) 

Whoa...that felt GOOD to blog. I feel better already. Thanks to all my loyal readers. Life has been crazy. I'll be filling you guys in slowly. LOTS of exciting things to come. Stay Tuned...and Stay Beautiful.


XOXO,
B